Okay, okay, this isn’t exactly a filmmaking post…
…but never mind. It’s my blog and I’ll boat if I want to, boat if I want to, etc etc.
Recently my friends came into a boat which was practically being given away by a neighbour who has bought a new one. It’s a 20-foot GRP (fibreglass to the rest of the world) cruiser with an ancient outboard motor and nicely fits the bill for something we’ve all been quietly hankering after for ages; a no-frills boat that we can take for quick cruises, mainly to the pubs on the Grand Union.
Why then, when we all have our own canal boats, would we want another one…? Well, as wonderful as cruising the cut is, it can be a bit of a full-on mission. It’s a two-person job at the best of times tying and untying sixty feet of steel, as well as the navigating the tight bridges on the GU. Then there’s the preparation, which involves dismantling chimneys, satellite dishes, aerials and canopies. That’s a lot of work if you just want to cruise to a local pub, and let’s not forget that we’re effectively moving our homes – it’s often quicker to walk.
So, along came the chance to scoop up this little cruiser and my friends didn’t hold back. We all contributed to cleaning her up, getting the engine running and stocking it up with beverages, and then we were off – just like that.
Just ten minutes into our maiden voyage we had a sticky moment when we overheated, but after half an hour of waiting the engine had sufficiently cooled and we were off again, this time running at barely tickover speed – which is still the same speed as a normal canal boat. This was the life.
And what a bunch of yobbos we were. Suddenly freed of the constraints of concentration – this thing turns on a sixpence – we were unleashed on the cut, lager cracked and Bluetooth speakers blaring.
That’s a bit of an exaggeration. We all live on the water and love it, and we certainly wouldn’t want to spoil it for any of our fellow boaters, so we were quiet and respectful when passing other boats and pedestrians. It was only on the quiet stretches that we opened the taps a little bit. We all had a little drive of our little bargain bumper car, did a bridge each and there were no squeaks, scrapes or scratches to report. A few disapproving looks from the steel brigade who snootily have no idea we have three floating homes and twelve years’ experience between us, but fuck ’em – I’m not going to be judged by anyone who sups Pimms instead of lager.
So is there a way that I can tenuously relate this post to filmmaking…? Well, actually there is. You see, while we were cruising along, the thought kept flashing through my mind that boats have featured in some great movie chases. Think about it – the Bond films are a great example of this. Moonraker has two great boat chases in it, and much of Live and Let Die takes place on the water, while The World Is Not Enough opens with a chase on the Thames. Ours will never be jumping onto the grass outside the Millennium Dome, but I can dream.
Let’s not forget that the water also makes a pretty intimidating place to film as well – just think about the Jaws films. Probably not best to dwell on the Orca sinking, mind.
I’ll finish by saying that a really great time was had by all. Everyone should have a go on the water – I’d go as far as to say it’s a lifechanging experience. Just think “Moonraker” while going along – it’s viewed with terrible snobbery, but really it’s just great, harmless fun.
Keep safe, happy boating.
Copyright © 2021 Chris Nelthorpe/Gasworks Films Ltd